Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
