Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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