He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
