I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
They took my balls.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
