Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
