After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
