Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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