True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
