After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize