youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
