how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
