i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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