he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
