That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
