Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
