when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
