believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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