I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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