i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
