I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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