She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
