I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
