WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
3 2 1 whiskey
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
