he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
