So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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