Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
