thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
