I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
