i don't like sucking hair
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
