so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Found the puke drawer
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
