his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
