I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
