He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
