Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
