I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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