My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
