just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize