ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize