All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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