He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
