i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
