Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize