Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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