Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
