I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
