we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
