You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
