I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
