walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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