dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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