I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You're like the curious george of whores
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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