I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
