he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
