I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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