Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
