my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
