My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize