Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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