I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
