I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
